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Sometimes, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “detached from reality”, he states. “You are on cloud nine and you’re like, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these times of heightened ego are typically succeeded by a “sudden low”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and self-conscious about his conduct, rendering him especially susceptible to negative feedback from others. He first suspected he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors online – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. Yet, he is skeptical he would have agreed with the assessment if he hadn’t independently formed that conclusion on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they harbor feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they made for themselves. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Though people have been identified with narcissism for decades, the meaning can be ambiguous what people refer to as the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” states a psychology professor, adding the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people keep it private, as there is significant negative perception around the condition. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the specialist says. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Gender Differences in The Disorder

Although a significant majority of people identified as having NPD are males, research suggests this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” notes a young adult who shares content on her dual diagnosis on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and being turned down,” she explains, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I completely shut down.” Although experiencing this behavior – which is often called “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the negative conduct of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she notes she and her significant other “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples as a child. I’ve had to teach myself continuously what is suitable or harmful to say during a fight because it wasn’t modeled for me growing up,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my household were belittling me in my early years.”

Origins of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be connected with early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “continue to use those identical strategies as adults”.

Similar to other of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The 38-year-old explains when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve good grades and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his general practitioner, he was directed to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for psychological counseling through national services (ongoing counseling is the only treatment that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: It was indicated it is expected around maybe February or March next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “negative perceptions are widespread that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he explains. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the existence of individuals sharing their stories and the development of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number