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Experiencing refusal, especially when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is turning you down, giving a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to setbacks. I began submitting story ideas five decades ago, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with book ideas and countless pieces. During the recent 20 years, specializing in op-eds, the denials have multiplied. In a typical week, I face a rejection multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. In total, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. By now, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a complaining tirade? Far from it. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

For perspective: At this point, nearly everyone and others has said no. I’ve never counted my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: recently, a publication turned down 20 pieces in a row before approving one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 editors rejected my memoir proposal before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a project. An editor requested that I send articles less often.

The Phases of Setback

Starting out, all rejections were painful. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but me as a person.

Right after a piece was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. Why did this occur? Why would editors be ignore my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly it’s the mistake? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at them, then anger at myself. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably mixed with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

So it went over many years.

Great Company

Of course, I was in excellent company. Accounts of authors whose books was at first turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. Since they did persevere, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his school team. Many US presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in elections. The actor-writer estimates that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were turned down repeatedly. “I take rejection as an alarm to motivate me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

Then, when I entered my later years, I entered the final phase of rejection. Understanding. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an publisher may have just published a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the reader thinks I am not qualified or stature to be suitable. Or is no longer in the business for the work I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my work too quickly to appreciate its value.

Feel free call it an realization. Everything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are always not up to you.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Admittedly, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe a part about my writing style, particularly commas, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a memoir, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have been published in publications large and small, in diverse sources. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to various outlets for 50 years.

Still, no blockbusters, no author events at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no presentations, no honors, no accolades, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily accept rejection at my age, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the stings of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but only if you listen to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will likely just keep taking rejection incorrectly. What insights have I acquired?

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